Um..Hey there?:)

是不是太不自量力了？ 9:27 pm : suddenly so empty and so sad

Lying on my bed with a blueberry face mask on and blasting my favourite current song which is one of the OST from love in the moonlight 💓 These days I have been zoning out a lot thinking about things I could do but I missed the chance or thinking about the future . I guess A levels is a really huge hurdle for me because last year was a really horrible year which I always wish that I could restart . Every time I think back about how slack I was last year , I really wanna go back in time and slap myself . But I know that there is no point brooding over spilt milk . It's now or never man .  I don't know how I started sliding behind others in terms of results . As a kid last time I love taking exams and tests and love receiving back results hahah. But I guess I started getting complacent and before I knew it I was drowning in a sea of homework and bad results . It's scary how I am only 18 , yet I am filled with regrets 😭 I really wanted to study overseas when I was younger.

What do I do when I have given my best but my best is not enough

Day 62, till now a levels seems like an impossible hurdle to jump across i am thankful to those that believe in me i want to prove that i am somebody capable too But it is so hard:( It seems like i am here more and more often ! Simply because this space is still as space i can comfortably post whatever i want Days like this i regretted all the time i wasted. Time spent on spazzing over people who wont even look at me , and caring about people who couldnt be bothered

// now playing i get a little stronger now, i get a little braver now. And when it gets dark, i get a little brighter now,, i get a little wiser now :)

If i met me, i would hate me too. Scary how once feelings can totally change one's expression and the way they act. No longer troubled by any friendships thingy. Now i think about it, it is major bullshit for me to spend so much time brooding over it. Realised that everything is my own problem. I overthink about EVERY SINGLE THING. I get pissed off easily , and i have a bad attitude. I cant control my anger and act rashly every single time. But the even weirder/ scarier thing is that, when i cool down / wake up, it feels like i wasnt being myself, and somebody so foreign to me too. according to wiki : Bipolar disorder , formerly  manic depression , is a  mental disorder  with periods of  depression  and periods of elevated mood .  The elevated mood is significant and is known as  mania  or  hypomania , depending on its severity, or whether symptoms of  psychosis  are present. During mania an individual  behaves  or feels  abnormally  energetic, happy or irritable. Indi